Many many years ago I wrote a Second Life Journal. Now I have a “First Life Journal”; my first life in Minecraft, that is.

Yeah, I’d actually never played Minecraft until now. I owned it (got it for free as part of my work on the Will Wright MasterClass) but I’d never seen a reason to play the actual game until I found myself craving a super simplistic survival game with an easily-installable nude mod.

ElRiatas’ Diary 

(I’m legit not sure where the game found that character name. Was it procedurally-generated?)

Day 1: I spawned deep in the jungle and never even saw the starter crate I’d flagged to spawn. I stumbled around randomly eating watermelons for the first day before accidentally pissing off a zombie and barely escaping with my life. As it got dark, i climbed onto this giant stone structure and clumsily built a 7×3 house, which gave me exactly one square to stand on (it was originally 2 squares, but I punched out and it opened a pitfall deep underground). uncomfy but I survived the night only occasionally having to kite zombies so they fell off the side. 

Day 2 I was sick of the junglescape so I’ve been running in a straight line trying to find any other biome. so far it just seems to be more and more and more jungle, and by night I climbed the tallest tree and just stood there waiting for daylight. during that time I learned how to craft things, made a crafting table, and crafted a sword and axe.

Day 3 I’d run out of food so I continued sprinting through the junglescape, but I haven’t seen any new watermelons. I saw my first cow and got inked by a squid when I attacked it, but when night came I again climbed the tallest tree and hid there waiting for dawn. So far there’s been nowhere to build a house because everything is trees, beaches and lakes.

Day 4 I’d done some research and learned that I’d created a world 4 times larger than normal when I chose “large biomes” which is why this jungle never ends. When morning came I jumped from the tree into the water and sprinted as fast as I could through the junglescape. I found a red mushroom so I could finally craft mushroom stew, which is good cause I was out of food. I finally reached the outskirts of the jungle and built my first house in the first level field I found: a roughly 8×5 little hovel with no windows and a door blocked with sediment cause I wasn’t sure if zombies could destroy doors. That night was spent in pitch blackness until I discovered brown mushrooms give off faint light and stuck them in every corner

Day 5 I decided for the first time to settle down before continuing my mad hike into the unknown. I created a bed so I can finally go to sleep, I explored my surrounding fields, and I attempted to find coal, though I farmed four different types of grey blocks and none of them turned out to be right. I also discovered a massive faultline that plummeted into the planet’s core, I might build a staircase down there and try farming those grey blocks with squiggly black lines tomorrow. A creeper and a zombie scared the shit out of me by walking right past my door while I was crafting mushroom stews

Day 6 I emerged to find that the zombie, spider and creeper hadn’t despawned. the zombie died to fire and the creeper I darted away before it exploded, but I had to kill the spider with my wooden axe and earned an achievement. The rest of the day was spent slowly creating a dirt staircase into the faultline, where I earned an achievement for entering the stone age. That night I crafted a set of stone gear and plan to use it to expedite my staircase. 

Day 7 I completed my staircase…well, as far as I’m willing to take it. It turns out monsters start spawning on the bottom level once I got close enough, so I don’t want to completely reach the core. I stopped along the top near a coal deposit in the wall which finally let me create torches to light my house, not to mention start a fire and cook some real meals. 

Day 8, I’ve decided to continue my hike away from the Jungle, but today was spent prepping. I cut down some trees and converted them into planks, slayed some sheep for a bed, and spent the night creating jerky and a chest to store unneeded items. I left about half my food as well, in case I ever return hungry and empty-handed. Or if I never return at all and have to respawn…

Day 9 started off with a bang, when I walked outside to see burning skeletons everywhere. One of them shot me, but I managed to survive long enough for them all to die of burn damage. And that’s how I got my first arrow! After that I committed to the hike and traversed at a breakneck pace through the fields. near the end of the day I didn’t notice a faultline and fell inside, I hear zombies and skeletons but managed to reach back up to the grass in a blind panic. at the top, I noticed a village and met my first villagers as the sun was setting. One poor sod didn’t take cover and the zombies ate him, so I spent the night in his house, eating his bread and claiming his chest as my own.

Day 10 I woke up and quickly meleed a burning archer skeleton to death hoping to claim his bow, but alas I was unsuccessful. I decided to rest up in the village and spruce my new house up a bit. Then I explored the brewery, the blast furnace, the stonecutter, and other landmarks. I also explored a forest fire going on around a nearby lava pit. Last but not least I tamed by a horse by right-clicking it repeatedly, though I don’t have a saddle and they don’t appear craftable so I doubt the faithful steed will be coming with me. 

Day 11 started off scary enough…I had gone to sleep because there was a spider outside and I wanted to kill it for fishing string in the morning, but I noticed an enderman as well. I tried to fight it outright but it hit like a truck and kept darting around. at low health I finally hid inside a house, but it loitered around the front door screaming. Then the stone giant guarding the town stumped over and beat it to death. I owe that guy a beer. I returned to the nearby faultline and mined every chunk of coal I could find. I also carved a path to the river just to see the faultline fill with water. Looked pretty sweet. That night I dumped all my useless stuff into a crate and prepared to venture forth, leaving the village behind me. 

On day 12 I postponed my upcoming exodus when I realized you can right-click on notable villagers to trade, and I realized I was close to trading with the cleric (32 rotten flesh) and farmer (26 potatoes). I filled his plots with my stolen potatoes and fertilized them with bone meal, then went AFK in my house waiting for the last few potatoes to grow. When I returned, it was raining outside and I saw the farmer being assaulted by a zombie. I charged out there and kited the zombie into the iron golem. Realizing I could farm zombies this way, I darted around in the rain luring various undead foes (including my first baby zombie) to their ironic death. Until a horde of zombies spawned and murdered my iron bro ;_; I found an empty house and quickly went to sleep. 

Morning of Day 13 arrived with burning zombies everywhere. I kited them together and harvested their flesh for the cleric. After trading with him and the farmer, I earned my first two emeralds which I crafted into red dust. I don’t actually know what it does, but it was expensive as hell so it’s gotta be good, right?
It was already noon, so I ended the day by doing everything I hadn’t already tried in the village, since I wanted to leave before causing more destruction for the poor townpeople. I crafted iron boots from the remains of the iron giant and grabbed some pig and salmon meat to cook over a fire tonight, and I fell asleep hoping a spider would spawn tomorrow so I could try fishing. 

Day 14 arrived, and I charged outside and fought some burning skeletons, burning zombies, and (yessss) two spiders! They dropped more than enough string, so I finally crafted me a fishing rod and headed down to the river. I threw the bobber in, but i couldn’t figure out how to reel the fish in. Every time I tried nothing seemed to happen– BOOM! A creeper had snuck up behind me and one-shot me. I guess I deserved it for not keeping aware of my surroundings. 

Welp, thus ends this journal, as I promised myself I’d stop when I first died. Goodbye cruel world… though imo two weeks isn’t a bad track record for a first life.